Friday, December 19, 2008
god forgive me
all this guilt and shame slay me o lord, forgive me !!! pain and rage and all that glitters of this fleeting painful world comsume those who know not how to fight back.
My heart feels hollow, why? My body aches, why?
I feel naught but sorrow, Why? all my tears fall as acid upon my cheeks. why?
all of this i feel like im drowning, im so afraid!!! OH GOD! save my poor wretched soul! Nightmares of a death well meant for me, crucified on a cross as my lord was, pierced whipped and bleeding, as my lord was. my mother turning demonic and killing me as Jesus was killed, lovely right? ha ha ha No not really, turning blind by a freak accident... hmm better? maybe...maybe not.... sigh, i feel so lost.... may god forgive me for feeling this way.
I feel naught but sorrow, Why? all my tears fall as acid upon my cheeks. why?
all of this i feel like im drowning, im so afraid!!! OH GOD! save my poor wretched soul! Nightmares of a death well meant for me, crucified on a cross as my lord was, pierced whipped and bleeding, as my lord was. my mother turning demonic and killing me as Jesus was killed, lovely right? ha ha ha No not really, turning blind by a freak accident... hmm better? maybe...maybe not.... sigh, i feel so lost.... may god forgive me for feeling this way.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Last Time Last Dance
Pilly is done my life is scarred but i will heal and move on I thank God for all he has done, already he ahs given me hope for a new future.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Christmas Concert 2008
Christmas Concert 2008
Beautiful music praising the Lord, to show his goodness in times of hardship and be able to say to people, “let me tell you who God is, let me show you how good He is!’ also say to them that despite what I have been through, and all the hardships and trials I face and the uncertainties and doubts that flood my conscience, I tell you when every last crutch , every last thing that I cling to, is stripped away, I have one thing left…. What is that thing you ask? More like who is it you cling too?
The ROCK of my salvation, Yahweh, Jehovah, Elohim, Adoniah, the Prince of Peace, The King of Kings, The Lord or Lords, the Mediator, The Intercessor, The GOOD shepherd, The branch of Jesse, The son of David, Son of God, Lamb of God, Son of man, High priest. Abba.
He is all I have left, the only thing I have to hope, the love of my life
Jesus Christ!
Beautiful music praising the Lord, to show his goodness in times of hardship and be able to say to people, “let me tell you who God is, let me show you how good He is!’ also say to them that despite what I have been through, and all the hardships and trials I face and the uncertainties and doubts that flood my conscience, I tell you when every last crutch , every last thing that I cling to, is stripped away, I have one thing left…. What is that thing you ask? More like who is it you cling too?
The ROCK of my salvation, Yahweh, Jehovah, Elohim, Adoniah, the Prince of Peace, The King of Kings, The Lord or Lords, the Mediator, The Intercessor, The GOOD shepherd, The branch of Jesse, The son of David, Son of God, Lamb of God, Son of man, High priest. Abba.
He is all I have left, the only thing I have to hope, the love of my life
Jesus Christ!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thee Art Mine Enchanter
10/29/08
Thee Art Mine Enchanter
Your voice is husky rich velvet caressing my ears to listen to your words.
Thy lips are full and I long for thy kiss
Your hands though chaffed from work, know to be tender and gentle.
Master craftsman, using the talents, God has bestowed,
Upon you and putting them to good use.
Though the metal you been with your hands is a masterpiece in itself,
You can mold my body with your tender touch,
The spark of heat ignites into a full flame,
That is what thy touch has done to me,
It drives me to utter madness
Your hair is as dark, as the raven’s wing, yet thick as lambs wool.
Thy eyes as dark as the sapphire, when thy temper is roused.
But gloriously deep and wisdom rests there,
I am swept away by thy gaze; thy eyes are like the sea.
Thy face...So handsome it is how I love to gaze upon it.
To be in thy arms…I find comfort in thy understanding and embrace.
Thy strength oh to behold it.
Thy love, to have it bloom for me...
Blessed I’d be indeed!
For my love is a secret and it blooms,
As a fragile flow’r for you and you alone.
I pray that God will draw us both,
Nearer and nearer to one another. With tender loving kindness.
By Lisa Isabella Asmus
{About her raven haired, sapphire eyed enchanter}
{Who haunts her every waking moment, as well as night.}
This IS NOT.. the END.... But MERELY a BEGINING
How do u say goodbye to the children who stole your heart,
to the people who impacted your life like no other person has before, or ever will again?
The teachers who taught you to have a humble joyous spirit
and nurtured you and watched you grow in their culture.
You walk away with a better understanding of the deaf people, and their way of life.
i am almost bilingual because of the sign language I've been learning.
through the tears and my blurred vision I see God work through me in so many ways.
through relearning sign language to the point where i am so good that i can interpret basically anything,
without classes. Just learning all on my own. The best teachers in the whole world,
who show me what it is and what it means "to live to serve people".
I LOVE YOU GUYS !!! STEVIE & MIKE, CHRISSA & RYAN!!!
to the people who impacted your life like no other person has before, or ever will again?
The teachers who taught you to have a humble joyous spirit
and nurtured you and watched you grow in their culture.
You walk away with a better understanding of the deaf people, and their way of life.
i am almost bilingual because of the sign language I've been learning.
through the tears and my blurred vision I see God work through me in so many ways.
through relearning sign language to the point where i am so good that i can interpret basically anything,
without classes. Just learning all on my own. The best teachers in the whole world,
who show me what it is and what it means "to live to serve people".
I LOVE YOU GUYS !!! STEVIE & MIKE, CHRISSA & RYAN!!!
thank you guy sooo much for all that you have done!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
God is there...
When you go off to college and things change,
all your possessions no longer matter to those who continue to live in the house,
they take your things without your permission and destroy them, they toss your thing and don't even consider your opp ion on things... so it is your most sentimental things u cherish r ripped to shreds and thrown like rubbish not even considering to tell u that they are ruined .... no letting u fix them ...not getting u a new one.
and yet so is life... all I've known ...everything i value turns to dust, is destroyed.
Yet, God holds me and provides for me,
when my father and mother fosake me the Lord will take me up,
when my family deserts me God stays true,
when friends stab me in the back ,
God is there to comfort me.
they take your things without your permission and destroy them, they toss your thing and don't even consider your opp ion on things... so it is your most sentimental things u cherish r ripped to shreds and thrown like rubbish not even considering to tell u that they are ruined .... no letting u fix them ...not getting u a new one.
and yet so is life... all I've known ...everything i value turns to dust, is destroyed.
Yet, God holds me and provides for me,
when my father and mother fosake me the Lord will take me up,
when my family deserts me God stays true,
when friends stab me in the back ,
God is there to comfort me.
Home for thanksgiving!
wow, can it be here am I sitting in a room so spacious and beautiful, the room is mine. the view superb! I can see the stars! it's so cold my breath comes in huge plumes caressing the night... the scents are so pungent, the smell of campfire wood so rich and sharp, the smell of winter steals my breath from my lungs.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
MY Heart
Here it is My heart fragile,
yet it beats.
My heart battered,
from pain ,abuse and shame.
I thought he cared, Am I damn'd
to the gates of Sheol?
Shall I be vict'm to cruelty?
Shall I be known as a fool,
again I feels as tho' part of me died.
It bleeds I am dying,
My heart so frantically,
beats begging me to live!
He killed me with his words
and his actions.
And this I must say ,
I thought he was different,
Not like all the rest.
Oh how wrong I was!
Foolish girl!
how could i have known.
Yet he murder'd me,
my gentle fragile soul.
It flutters madly,
like a butterfly trying to survive,
beating it's wings against glass.
How was I to know The Evil One would get Past.
Past my defenses and my heart and use this to help kill me.
so here I lay Dying my heart at my feet,
I give it to him telling him "this is yours to keep."
"If you do not know well now i guess you will."
From the first time i saw you,
i had given you My heart.
And so with my last breath,
i utter these last words.
I Love You though u never you,
you have taken my heart snatched it from my chest ,
and ripped it all apart.
Yet dearest I shall love you no matter what the cost.
You took my heart when i met you,
but now we must Part.
I shall be with you always but in a memory.
even tho' I may never come back it not because of jealousy.
You hurt Me do you care? or is this game?
You sit and laugh and poke fun at my shame.
My love I shall love you even tho' you never knew,
how much you meant to me.
It is so sad that , You and I may never be.
and so with this as my blood stains the ground.
I say this.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. ( William Shakespeare)
yet it beats.
My heart battered,
from pain ,abuse and shame.
I thought he cared, Am I damn'd
to the gates of Sheol?
Shall I be vict'm to cruelty?
Shall I be known as a fool,
again I feels as tho' part of me died.
It bleeds I am dying,
My heart so frantically,
beats begging me to live!
He killed me with his words
and his actions.
And this I must say ,
I thought he was different,
Not like all the rest.
Oh how wrong I was!
Foolish girl!
how could i have known.
Yet he murder'd me,
my gentle fragile soul.
It flutters madly,
like a butterfly trying to survive,
beating it's wings against glass.
How was I to know The Evil One would get Past.
Past my defenses and my heart and use this to help kill me.
so here I lay Dying my heart at my feet,
I give it to him telling him "this is yours to keep."
"If you do not know well now i guess you will."
From the first time i saw you,
i had given you My heart.
And so with my last breath,
i utter these last words.
I Love You though u never you,
you have taken my heart snatched it from my chest ,
and ripped it all apart.
Yet dearest I shall love you no matter what the cost.
You took my heart when i met you,
but now we must Part.
I shall be with you always but in a memory.
even tho' I may never come back it not because of jealousy.
You hurt Me do you care? or is this game?
You sit and laugh and poke fun at my shame.
My love I shall love you even tho' you never knew,
how much you meant to me.
It is so sad that , You and I may never be.
and so with this as my blood stains the ground.
I say this.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. ( William Shakespeare)
What God sees...
"The Godly family..."
A family focused on serving God and loving each other with honour.
where children listen and obey. where they laugh,
and thrive in love, in a cherished home unafraid.
where there are no bruises and no scars,of hate or anger or of physical horror.
peace and understanding and helping each other grow.
vs." Non consestint godly family"
home that tries to honor god yet is caught up in each one's self.
children who don't know the right way to live , lost and in pain.
for love and peace they're aching, terrified of their parents warth,
burised and beaten, desperately trying to hide their scars.
a home filled with hate as cold as the ice, anger as thick as tar,
physical horrors so unspeakable, children with no one, to help
them grow only to be stiefeld and smothered by selfishness, jealousy and greed,
Bitterness and black and deep as the most evil pits of which to fall unto.
Yet each day passes by as u see them their eyes so huge shimmer with tears
silently they Beg you for help. Yet we sometime cannot see, because the parents portary it as everything is fine yet when the doors are closed all hell breaks loose and takes hold again of the innocent one caught up in power struggle of wills between a father and mother,
Both too proud to get conseling yet need it more than they relise, because of the innocent lives caught within the war of satan and his little victories, the innocent ones at stake must get help, yet ... yet will it be too late? or shall some one take a stand and help rescue them? and get the family the help it needs so desperately.
A family focused on serving God and loving each other with honour.
where children listen and obey. where they laugh,
and thrive in love, in a cherished home unafraid.
where there are no bruises and no scars,of hate or anger or of physical horror.
peace and understanding and helping each other grow.
vs." Non consestint godly family"
home that tries to honor god yet is caught up in each one's self.
children who don't know the right way to live , lost and in pain.
for love and peace they're aching, terrified of their parents warth,
burised and beaten, desperately trying to hide their scars.
a home filled with hate as cold as the ice, anger as thick as tar,
physical horrors so unspeakable, children with no one, to help
them grow only to be stiefeld and smothered by selfishness, jealousy and greed,
Bitterness and black and deep as the most evil pits of which to fall unto.
Yet each day passes by as u see them their eyes so huge shimmer with tears
silently they Beg you for help. Yet we sometime cannot see, because the parents portary it as everything is fine yet when the doors are closed all hell breaks loose and takes hold again of the innocent one caught up in power struggle of wills between a father and mother,
Both too proud to get conseling yet need it more than they relise, because of the innocent lives caught within the war of satan and his little victories, the innocent ones at stake must get help, yet ... yet will it be too late? or shall some one take a stand and help rescue them? and get the family the help it needs so desperately.
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